I want you to punch me as hard as you can…

Sometimes you need a sharp smack to the pie hole to feel alive…I get it. I don’t need domestic trappings to be complete. I don’t need the Gap, or Chiabatta bread, or the Science Channel. I don’t need to watch 24, I don’t need the latest DVD, I don’t need Cigarettes to feel like a human being.

It’s funny that a movie like Fightclub, which pushed that message was really only delivering the Gap, the Latest DVD and Cigs in a different flavor…a “fuck society” flavor. Speaking of “fuck” I’m still on the prowl for someone special. It’s actually more like a “wait until someone falls into my lap” than an actual prowl. I was trying to think of ways to get “out there” but I’m not feeling the whole social thing. I’m wondering why that is… I used to be social. I used to be predatory.

My last relationship lasted almost 9 years, and ended 5 years ago. That’s 14 years I’ve not actively pursued someone. I’m sure I could scrape the inside of my head and pull out all kinds of excuses such as “It takes time to get over a relationship” or some BS like that. Gail (my ex) has gotten married and moved to Texas in that amount of time…she’s not looking back…so why am I? I guess this whole “quitting smoking” think is a start to getting back on the road to dating again. I’ve yet to start working out. I don’t even think I’m particularly good boyfriend material. Sure, I make money, drive a decent car…but I’m selfish.  I didn’t like myself when I was that relationship, but I hate not being in one…kind of a catch-22.

Who knows…more later.



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