Metamorphasis.

I’ve stopped smoking.

Time to work on being happier. I figure if I can actually stop smoking that I can do anything. So I decided to take a small inventory of the things that were bugging me about me…and work on them until I was happy with the results. This is a bit dangerous, because I’m actually putting these things into print but if I apply the same forces I mustered to stop inhaling smoke it’ll be cake.

I’m going to:

Lose 30lbs. in the next 4-6 months. I need to get strong again anyway. Over the last 10 years I’ve focused on everything but my body and health. What better time to reteach myself the lessons of not only being physically fit but being strong. I think that being unfit has contributed to a lack of energy and a negative self image so I might be killing a few birds with one stone. In the past it’s be relatively easy for me to lose weight due to my physical composition but I think I’ll be starting from scratch this time. Maybe I should do one of those “before and after” things…or track my progress…who knows.

Be bolder in life. I’ve gotten used to this fucking cocoon I’ve been living in. I’m cautious to a fault so I don’t put myself in a bad situation. I’m waiting for safety instead of taking what I want and risking something. So, I’m going to be a little more reckless and take more chances where I would usually be passive. It seems that my past relationships and the last 10 years have really made me a big pussy. Time to step out of what I don’t like and into what I do. What’s the worst that could happen? Enough of this safety…it’s not doing shyte for me.

Re-evaluate my priorities. I used to think I knew what I wanted and that I was done with certain things in my life. Maybe I’m not. I had such a trying time earlier in my life when pregnancy and marriage were involved. Maybe it wasn’t all my fault things went to shyte. Maybe I was just a kid and if those things happened now I wouldn’t suck at them. Maybe that’s what’s missing in my life. I have no fricking idea but I’m willing to entertain the thoughts now. It’s time to let go of the guilt and negativity I directed towards myself for all those years. I’m at a point in my life now where I think I could be a great husband and dad. I know that I desperately miss the times I had with Alex when he was a baby, he was the cutest thing ever.

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So, the cool thing is that each one of those goals compliments the other. I’m kind of excited it’s already started in a way with my smoking. This hope is really what keeps me from smoking. I never knew what people meant by “Eric could do better if he applied himself.” I think I know what that means and I’m going to take it into practice.
You watch.

MiH

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