Since it’s Valentines day and I don’t really have a Valentine I figured I would talk about Love and what it means to me. Bear in mind I’m no expert in love or the ways of romance, but in my mind I know what really feels right to me, and that’s what I’m writing about. I’m sure this thread will evolve over the time it takes me to actually publish it so bear with me.
Firstly, although I appreciate that there is a day set aside for Love, I think the commercialization of Valentine’s day is sickening. That being said I sent my Mom and a good friend Flowers today. =)
Love, to me, is something that’s very hard to quantify. It’s not something I’ve felt often, if truly at all so it’s even harder to put my finger on it. For me it’s the sharing of lives in a kind and gentle way. It’s made up of a lot of little moments which are themselves very valuable. Like laying next to a love and watching them sleep, knowing that they feel safe, and comfortable with you there, breathing slowly…moving a foot against yours and just feeling at that time like you could be no where else. It’s the joy felt throughout the whole body when she looks up and smiles at you for no particular reason. It’s the desire to mend and comfort and care for someone more than for yourself. It’s about those special moments before a kiss when your lips rub against hers and the electricity fills both of you. It’s the sight of your love coming home and breathing a sigh of relief that you’re there to share the day with. It’s the silent looks of understanding, the brief squeeze of a hand, the close posturing of bodies. It’s the feeling you get when your love is away and calls to say “I love you,” because she needs to hear your voice. It’s the shared struggle of living a life together willingly and purposefully because you’re better together than alone. It’s in the private jokes and shared humor that makes your significant other giggle. It’s the pride in knowing that she chose you because she knew that she would be loved completely. It’s the tender moments when silence isn’t needed to express emotion.
I don’t have the gift of conveying emotion or feeling through words, photography, drama…it’s much easier for me to express the true emotion of love when I’m playing the piano, so purely it can bring tears to my eyes. I’m a pretty emotional personal and I’m a sucker for unique ways of expressing pain, passion, longing and other emotional messages. I’ve been so cynical for so long that it’s really welled up in me on occasion and been overwhelming. It does give me comfort to think about emotion and passion…I know they’re crucial components to what makes us human, even if I don’t experience them for myself thinking about it makes me feel better. I like to cheer for love and root for love even though I have to go home when the show is over because I know it’s a good thing even if I don’t have it. Who knows if I’ll get it? I don’t think that’s the point…it’s whether you have the capacity and are able to accept love…in any form. Lot’s of actions mimic love but very few actions really reflect love, and when I see one it moves me. I’m ok with being an emotional guy because of the rewards I get from being that way. Yeah, I can cry during a stirring rendition of the National Anthem, but it’s the emotion I feel that’s the reward. It’s the same with looking at that someone special and feeling so much inside that you’ve got to act…some how, some way, to acknowledge the feeling.
Because I see love as all these little things it’s hard for me swallow the corporate version of Valentines day where it’s about how much you purchase for the person that seems to count.
While it’s nice to give and receive flowers, chocolates, and tokens from you special someone it’s the gift of their acceptance of you for who you are that is the real gift. The knowledge that they’re for you and you for them is the bond that makes sharing yourself so rewarding. Knowing that I’m championing and supporting you because you are you.
I love these lines from the Led Zeppelin song “Thank You.”
“If the sun refused to shine…
Oh, I would still be lovin’ you…
If the mountains crumble to the sea baby…
There would still be you and me… ”